On the eve of the launch of the Danger Lou trailer, it seems appropriate to talk about fear. I feel like I’m at the start of something and I don’t know where it will lead me. Putting Danger Lou out there and committing to taking more risks in my life and work. Committing to kicking ass and holding myself accountable, taking the gloves off… scary stuff! Hello inner chicken…

What does fear feel like? I find it pretty difficult to describe my emotions. I was discussing this with Ruth from You Can on Monday – that with big emotions, it’s just so difficult to find the words! Thankfully, I found the words I needed from someone else. Karen McMillan, Retreat Muse, and I had a conversation via email about flying by the seat of your pants, which she calls…

“Scary fabulous!”

This is such a perfect phrase! Right now, I feel like I’m at the start of something amazing. I’m doing a lot of new stuff lately; getting fit and learning to pitch and trying out a comedy workshop (more on these experiments later). And there’s more new stuff coming:

• Flying on my own for the first time
• Going to America for the first time
• Making the most of Misfit Conf where I’ll be at a tiny conference about making a huge dent in the Universe (warning – this is not a conference for normal people)

What I feel is a mix of excitement and apprehension. It’s like being a child in the run up to Christmas. Except in this version of Christmas, the presents will be so much better than material things like a Barbie house or an iPad or a Smurf doll or a Rubix Cube – they will be gifts of learning and skills and things I can’t even imagine right now. However, lurking in the background there is also a chance that when it comes to Christmas day, Santa Claus might turn out to be the Big Bad Wolf from Little Red Riding Hood… Scary fabulous!

Karen explained some more:

“Scary fabulous came to me a year or two ago while sharing with my then MasterMind circle (we’d been together 3 years and I was comfy). Now I still say it, and when things get really scary, remind myself, “It’s OK. Just lean more into the fabulous!”

Lean more into the fabulous.

I hope I’m going to remember this in the coming months, embracing Danger Lou, flying by the seat of my pants. What makes you feel scared? How do you put it into words? What do you do that helps?

Find out more about my journey to Misfit Conf here: http://theyoucanhub.org.uk/2013/04/18/the-art-of-being-asked/

Find out more about Karen McMillan, Retreat Muse, here: http://www.kdmcmillan.com

The Danger Lou trailer comes out on 1st May – tomorrow! Keep an eye on our facebook page for the latest… https://www.facebook.com/TheYouCanHub

One of the things that I have been struggling with is liking myself, and being kind to myself. It’s a topic I first introduced here and I don’t feel I’ve finished exploring it yet. Then I came across this recent campaign by Dove; the video started going the rounds last week and has now racked up over 21.5 million watches (accurate at the time of writing). If you haven’t seen it, the first thing to do is take a look and take a moment to register your own reaction:

What do you think?

Seemingly there has been a mixed reaction to the campaign; the comment thread on the Dove site for the campaign makes interesting reading. There’s also a version with men instead of women:

OK – I tricked you a little with that one – it definitely made me giggle!

Behind the original version and the parody, there is actually a serious point. Research shows that young women tend to think of themselves as worse-looking than they really are, while young men tend to think of themselves as better looking than they really are (though maybe not to the extent shown in the parody).

This is not a new study; it goes all the way back to 2003 (see the Guardian link below for the full details) and actually we replicated the results in my Psychology class during my degree. That’s 10 years ago. The question is, has anything really changed since then? I’m still working out how to like myself (most days) and feel confident in me as a whole person, including all the different dimensions of me and the complexity that brings. I do find that Simon’s words still help me when I’m having a bad day – “It’s not about me, it’s about us.”

What about you?

Links:

1. Huffington Post’s Overview of the mixed reactions to the campaign: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/04/22/dove-real-beauty-sketches-reactions-parody-video-blog-critics_n_3130929.html

2. Heather Long’s perspective at the Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/apr/20/dove-real-beauty-sketches-ad-women-perfection

3. The comment thread on the Dove site (scroll down to view): http://realbeautysketches.dove.com/

As the campaign for Misfit Fargo begins, I am already taking the gloves off, talking to more people about what we’re doing and how this campaign fits in, and holding myself more accountable. I had a great conversation with Adelina from Presenting Good Practice who wanted to know more about what I will learn at the Conference, so I thought I’d share my reflections of my response. Danger Lou would definitely not be afraid to put her thoughts on tape. Cue VT…

Here’s what I committed to in my successful application:

Tell us a little about yourself

Three years ago, five of us, all either at risk of redundancy or just wanting a change, wanting something different, started to come together once a month over a  shared meal. We called ourselves the Change the World Gang. Ambitious, hey?

We started with each other, supporting each other through this time of transition. A few months later, I’d started a new job and then almost immediately quit and had really bad whiplash from a car accident. Since then, I’ve been on an incredible journey. I co-founded this not-for-profit, The You Can Hub, with fellow Change the Worlders. Together, we have helped over 300 people in Cambridgeshire to cycle, many of whom thought they couldn’t, or hadn’t cycled for a very long time. It started Small, with one person – Aaran, who couldn’t cycle a two wheeled bike.

I was pretty proud of what we’d achieved. Then in October my dad was diagnosed with brain tumours. He died seven months later, two days before I turned 30. It totally shifted my perspective. What I’ve done so far seems mediocre. This coming May, it will be the one year anniversary of my dad’s death. I will turn 31. I want to celebrate by kicking ass.

What do you hope to get from Misfit Conf: Fargo?

I want to reveal my inner superhero – Danger Lou. We’ve made a little dink in the Universe. It’s time to look at the dink and see how it could become a dent. Enterprise in the UK is obsessed with scale. I don’t want to “scale up” what we’ve been doing at You Can. I want to look at what is Small about what we’ve done so far, and see where to go from here. I want to push past the shame and celebrate, get more confident in my voice and not censor myself… I want to take the gloves off! I want to return to Cambridge ready to start a (Small) revolution. I know that I’m making choices that are safe right now. I acknowledge the value in being aware of that. I want to come back from Fargo dangerous, and contagious.

Why support me? Because you’re just like me – figuring things out, finding your feet in the world, wanting to earn a living and make a difference, wanting to create a new definition of success for yourself. The skills that I will learn aren’t part of any degree course or Adult Learning course – they’re not on the school curriculum. I’m writing my own curriculum now, based on learning from Scott Dinsmore, Chris Guillebeau, Leo Babauta, and Andrea Scher. Scott Dinsmore who has built a career around what excites him and is busy creating a community of people who all want to do the same. Chris Guillebeau who recently completed his mission to visit all of the countries in the world and is the instigator of the World Domination Summit. Leo Babauta who focuses on doing less, not more. Andrea Scher who is honest about the support she needs to function, and creates treasure hunts and transformational learning about dreaming. And, of course, A J Leon, the creator and organiser of Misfit Conf, who cancelled his first bookdeal and crowdfunded a truly independent book project. Do you want to lead an unconventional life? Take the road less travelled? Have a working life that feels more like a holiday? Do you want to write your own curriculum?

The real question is – do you want to experience Contagious Danger? Catch the Danger Virus yourself? What would your dangerous alter ego be capable of?

If the button above doesn’t work for you, go straight to this link: http://localgiving.com/charity/youcanhub

Recently the amazing Vanessa Chase over at Philanthropy for All  shared a most incredible Ted talk by Amanda Palmer on the art of asking. I invite you to watch it and share your thoughts and experiences of asking.

What stands out to me in this video? She asks for help. She asks frequently. She isn’t ashamed. And she receives help, thanks people, and connects with them.

She speaks about the direct connection that you get with people through asking and receiving. That asking for help is not a shameful thing, nor is it a one way relationship. She tells stories of using the internet and tools like Twitter to enable this. How they give her fans the abilities to help her out with advice, food, and so much more and to feel valuable in return.

Is this fair?

Amanda gives the example of couchsurfing with a family who slept on their couches so that she and her band could take the beds. ‘Is this fair?’ she asked herself – and the response is incredible. In the morning, the mom thanks her for the music she sings, as it has truly helped her daughter. She thanks her for choosing their house to sleep in. The act of accepting help from this family was accepting a thank you. It was saying to them that they are incredible. Amanda and her band got a bed for the night but that family, they got just as much, if not more.

Independence, by flickr user dougtone

An obsession with Independence

And yet, so often people seem ashamed to ask for help, worried that we will be putting someone out, that they will only say yes because they feel they have to. And receiving help is often even harder. We seem to have a culture of independence first whenever possible – ‘no thanks, I can do that myself’. And yet, we seem to be avoiding the well known fact that the world, and all of us within it, are interdependent – we depend on each other. We forget that asking for help can in fact be a gift to that other person. By asking we are saying ‘I trust you and you have something of incredible value to me – you are important and valuable’. And then they give….and they feel good.

Why do people give their time, money, skills, food, beds etc? – Why wouldn’t we?                                                                                       When we give, we feel good….so we give more. 

With this in mind, by not asking for help (and showing much gratitude when it is given) do we not deprive people of the most amazing feeling in the world – to feel good about themselves?

What would happen if we starting asking everyone for help – even those who life has given an abundance of challenges?

And now let’s relate this to people ‘experiencing disadvantage’. Maybe they have a low income, a disability, mental illness, or have just had a rough time in life. How much do we ask them for help? We give it, yes, but when do we ask for it? ‘These people have so little, is it fair to ask?’. But by not asking what are we saying to them? Are we not inadvertently saying ‘you don’t have anything to give, you are not valuable’?

Asking is not begging – it’s about community

Begging is when we ask for something for ‘those poor people’. You give because you feel bad for someone, because you feel you have more than them and want to share. The feel good factor is not an even street.

Asking is different. It is about asking someone to share their valuable skills, resources, etc. Asking is an opportunity for both parties. Asking is about community. Each and every one of us asking, receiving and giving. All of us feeling good for it.

Why we are not a charity

In our Check It Out Team, everyone gives and receives

Unfortunately, often charities are associated with the begging definition above. We at The You Can Hub have purposely decided not to be a charity for this very reason. We feel uncomfortable with concept of asking or giving out of pity. We want to do things differently. We value community and believe that together, anything is possible. We believe that everyone can live a life we love but that to achieve this, we need to work together. We need to ask for help, give help, receive help and be extremely grateful for this whole cycle. We believe that everyone has something of value, something to give and that everyone needs a bit of help to get over life’s challenges. We are not us and them….we are just us.

We are always looking for new and wonderful ways to fund our work. So, slowly we are learning the art of asking. We are setting up crowdfunding tools like localgiving, experimenting with different campaigns and recently we have even started playing with a Give What You Like model with some our consultancy work.

Agree? Intrigued? Join us!

So we invite you to help us, join us. We want to connect with you. You are valuable. Your community needs you. And in return you will get smiles, and laughs and big high fives and thank you’s to no end…and we will help you feel comfortable with asking for help when you need it too. You give, you feel. You get, you feel. And isn’t feeling good what life is really all about?

Three years ago, we started something amazing with a small group of incredible people. There were five of us, all either at risk of redundancy, wanting a change, wanting something different. So, we came together once a month over a shared meal and called ourselves the Change the World Gang. We had big ambitions but we didn’t start with the world. We started small, with each other – supporting each other through a time of transition. Since then, we co-founded this very out of the ordinary not-for-profit.

If you know The You Can Hub, you know that we’re not your usual not-for-profit. That last year our first birthday involved making superhero capes. That most of us are overly fond of ginger beer, we share our secrets and our meetings often involve talk of The Hulk and Mission Impossible. That our registered address is the local community pub where the villagers came together to save it from closure and are now the shareholders – and where my husband and I held the music festival part of our wedding last year (and got shares in the pub as a wedding gift). You’ll know that we have passion and purpose and that we’re working out how to live a life we love while helping you figure it out too. That we include people who are excluded elsewhere and emphasize the power of community, connections and ‘doing’ together. That we look for the impossible and work out how to make it possible.

This Spring, I have been offered an incredible opportunity. I have been invited to join 29 other people who think like we do and to gain a whole host of new knowledge and skills at the Misfits Conference in Fargo. It’s ‘a tiny conference about making a huge dent in the universe’. With topics like The Economics of Crazy and Writing Your Own Revolution, I’m fairly sure I’m going to come back a changed person – revealing my inner super hero, Danger Lou. Check out my successful application here: Lou Misfits Conf Application 

This is where I get to be vulnerable. To make it there, I need your help. This is my impossible – I can’t do it without you. Think of it like enabling a huge amount of inspiration that will come back to you through post-event blog and video posts, in person socials and so much more.

Will you help me to reveal my inner superhero, and come back from Fargo dangerous and contagious? If you read my application, you’ll know that 30 seems to be a pretty important number to me right now. So I’m looking for 30 people to back this Misfit-Adventure by donating just £50. I want to be able to know you all by name and either physically / virtually give you a hand shake.

Will you be one of the thirty? Contact us as soon as possible if you want to be one of the 30 – use our contact form (scroll down) and put “Hell yeah Danger Lou!” at the start of your comment or tweet us @youcanhub with the hashtags #dangerlou #imin. I can’t wait to hear from you! Check out the full low down on the Misfit Conference here: http://aj-leon.com/misfit-conf/ Oh, and thanks to Danger Mouse for the inspiration! Watch out for more posts from me on revealing my inner super hero coming soon…

What would it mean to reveal your inner super hero?

**Update** There is now a donation link available here for you to make your donation directly. And if you’re a UK taxpayer, you have the added benefit of Giftaid! Click the button… and make sure to include the message “Hell Yeah Danger Lou” with your donation!